Friday, December 23, 2005

the traditional holiday newsletter

At this time of the year, when we all count our blessings and gather 'round the hearth to celebrate the joy of Christmas, I would like to take the time to reach out to my friends and family and share those blessings with you.

It's been a year full of miracles and joy. Early in the new year we had a bit of a glitch when the husband unit was incarcerated after a minor incident at a downtown bank, but he was only doing what was best for the family in an effort to get a grip on the unpaid credit card bills we accumulated at this time last year. In the end it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as he made some excellent business contacts while on the inside, and it gave me the opportunity to meet his mistress of long standing as we, happily, ended up turning up at the same time on visiting day. Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback at first (I think he was planning to surprise me on my birthday), but then I discovered we have so much in common! (She gave me her awesome brownie recipe, and for those who are wondering, the antibiotics did the trick once we knew what we were dealing with. Isn't modern medicine a true miracle?) When she was deported after another soliciting charge I got to bond with the stepchildren I never knew I had. All five of them are living with us permanently now, though young Bruno has been put into a sort of camp: a home for special teenagers to help them better understand certain behaviours they exibit. Isn't it wonderful that such places exist to help us grow as human beings? I, too, got to spend some time exploring my own humanity during the summer. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. At first there was a little concern as they adjusted my meds, but once we found the best cocktail I stopped pulling my hair out in clumps and the evil emperor who lived in my closet finally moved out, leaving behind the benevolent faeries who accompany me still on this wondrous journey called Life.

The boys are growing like bad weeds and are a constant source of joy and pride for their father and myself. Number one son is the most popular boy in Grade 8, his cell phone ringing constantly with invitations. He apparently has a part-time job, though he won't say where, the little dickens, but he buys us many new household appliances and even a giant-screen TV with his paycheques. I'm so proud of his generous spirit. We must have done something right! The girls think he's pretty cute and after one minor incident with a disgruntled father and a shotgun in September (It was dark and I believe he thought #1 son was one of those coyotes that come up from the ravines), life continues to run as smoothly as ever for him. Number two son continues to entertain us with his wicked sense of fun, and apparently is known throughout his school for his excellent sense of humour. There must have been some trouble between the teachers at the school, though, as so far three of them have taken stress leave not long after taking over #2 son's class. We send them our warmest wishes for speedy recoveries. The principal is a warm woman who adores children, and has taken #2 son under her wing. In fact he spends most days in a small room adjoining her office, getting special tutoring as he has shown a streak of giftedness. Who knew?

So that's the family news for 2005. I think you'll join me in saying we've had a stellar year and couldn't be prouder. Here's wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and all the best in 2006.

29 Comments:

Blogger kyknoord said...

Brings a tear to the eye, it does [sniff]. You're wicked, you know that? ;->

23/12/05 9:10 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

I know. After all, we don't really have a giant screen TV and Carl doesn't really have a cell phone.

23/12/05 9:14 PM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

so you are a mother! teehee yer so funny! Yes of course I have cards, if you give me your address I'll send some your way for next year. Have a creative holiday season ( I'm guessing you are on a tight schedule for your upcoming show)stay warm and fuzzy!

23/12/05 10:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Riotous!!!!!!!

Detlef
http://www.detlefjumpertz.com

23/12/05 10:59 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

You forgot the penultimate paragraph:

Stepdaughter Charlene is expecting her first child on her 14th birthday - so I'll be a step Grandmother won't that be wonderful. There is a chance its twins as she's not precisely sure who the father is. We've got two of everything just in case!

Or was I meant to be keeping that a secret... oh dear...

Glad you are back with a smile.

23/12/05 11:51 PM  
Blogger Anonymous said...

You're wicked };-}

24/12/05 12:28 AM  
Blogger The Unknown said...

Ah... No where to go but up for the new year.
love

24/12/05 3:33 AM  
Blogger carla said...

And that's why I just love you, Andrea...you take the sap right out of the tree and put it where it belongs! I am muffling my chuckles so I don't wake the anyone, but know that I am laughing out loud to myself, albeit very quietly. Well, I wish you and yours the very best in the New Year, and for you...lots more of your amazing work and many people to buy it (at deservedly high prices:>) Merry, Happy, etc...

24/12/05 5:07 AM  
Blogger The Cookie Monster said...

Leave out a cookie for me - unless you want my presence in the morning!
(The unknown sent me - blame him!!!)

24/12/05 5:17 AM  
Blogger Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Andrea, what a great idea to put your annual Holiday letter on your blog, I never thought of that. (Dur!)

I hope you and your have a wonderful holiday and I will be looking forward to seeing more of your work in the new year! YAY! Mary :-)

24/12/05 5:34 AM  
Blogger Nan said...

You are hilarious (I hope)! Here's a ton of good wishes for 2006 :-)

24/12/05 7:47 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

Val: You kill me: "so you are a mother"!

Detlef Anonymous and Anonymous: Your turn! I know there must be skeletons in your closet, even if they're wearing sunglasses to disguise themselves.

Carlone: Thanks a lot for revealing the one glitch in an otherwise perfect year! Now my reputation is ruined if everyone thinks I'm old enough to be a step grandmother!

Unknown: Is that an invitation to your New Year's party? (I'm not letting you get away with not inviting me to *this* one! Ha!)

Carla: I've never told you this, but I used you as my role model this past year. I seem to have come up a bit short, but there's always next year!

Cookie: Run, Cookie, run! I know where you live! (Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

Mary: What makes me think you didn't actually read the post... (But your attention to duty is admirable :)

Nan: What makes you think I'm joking?

24/12/05 8:08 AM  
Blogger Joyce said...

Yes indeedy, its all in how you see it. There's a cloud in every silver lining. You must be so proud...

24/12/05 8:29 AM  
Blogger Nan said...

Well, well... if you're not joking, then your year is better than the best of mine! You add new meaning to "seeing the glass half full."

24/12/05 9:58 AM  
Blogger The Whippy Curly Tails said...

Wait one minute, Greg told me about you but who is this other woman?
No wonder I have not heard from him.

Please share the brownie recipe and well, let's try to bring the families together for New Years. I have a Bruno too, he looks just like Greg and acts just like the other Bruno...how about that gene pool! Little Andrea looks just like me, but spends all her days drawing on the walls...maybe you could mentor her!

LOL!

Merry Christmas to you!

Lyn &
The Whippy Curly Tails in the Toasty South
=^..^=

24/12/05 10:49 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Ah! Family life. And are you going to eat the coyote he almost killed for Christmas Dinner.
WeeHee! Have a nice Christmas Dear Andrea. You are funny and talented!

24/12/05 2:05 PM  
Blogger The Tart said...

LOL...you & lyn ... sharin that bad boy Greg, who knew!

Your camera & your eye have made for sweet treats for this Cheap Tart..2006 should be great! Very much enjoyed.

Smooch,
The Tart

24/12/05 3:27 PM  
Blogger Lily and Lucy White said...

Cheers and Holidays wishes to you and yours!
LOVE the letter, especially the tutoring bit. Lily.
P.S: can I send it to all MY relatives, with your permission? They would put me for two weeks into a padded room, and I DO sooooo need a holiday!
Merry Christmas!

24/12/05 6:35 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Joyce: You have no idea! :)

Nan: Glass half full? Really, Nan. My cup runneth over.

Lyn: That gene pool is looking mighty murky. We may all need to move to the Ozarks. (Apologies to those who reside there and aren't actually married to a sibling.) As for Little Andrea, she's obviously doing fine without me!

Merlinprincesse: What you are suggesting is illegal in Canada. We call it 'cannibalism.'

Jody: You can have him. We're done.

Lily: Be my guest. And enjoy the holiday!

24/12/05 8:59 PM  
Anonymous Winston said...

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Andrea!

25/12/05 5:54 AM  
Blogger Calvin said...

Happy Happy Holidays Andrea!

25/12/05 9:45 AM  
Blogger Alina Chau said...

Merrrry christmas!!

25/12/05 7:58 PM  
Blogger christina said...

Chuckle chuckle grin grin. Oh you're funny. I sort of gasped reading this, esp. about Carl and his part time job. I'm such an earnest gal, sarcasm is entirely lost on me and I was SO WORRIED for you. And then, sigh, I read the comments. And giggled. You are, as many readers have commented, WICKED. And talented. I love, love, love your art Andrea!

Merry Xmas!

25/12/05 8:01 PM  
Blogger Anonymous said...

All the best to surviving 2006 :)

25/12/05 10:00 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Winston, Calvin, Alina, Anonymous: Joyeux Noel to you, too.

Christina: You made my day -- in two ways! First, thank you for the complimemnt and second, I think it's very cute that you took me seriously at first.

26/12/05 7:39 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Dear dear dear.... I was talking about the REAL COYOTE. Not the guy... Unless you are a coyote yourself...:o) And I live in Canada tooooooo. :o)))))))) LOL

26/12/05 10:32 AM  
Blogger andrea said...

Merlinprincesse: I know and I know. It was a last failed attempt at humour.

26/12/05 3:32 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

No no no, Andrea, You are real funny!I was joking myself... ;o)And beleive it or not, my verif sord is BOXINBZG. (True)

26/12/05 8:52 PM  
Blogger Mick said...

Happy Christmas, Andrea ... a copy of "Deliverance" is in the mail! ... :D

27/12/05 11:15 AM  

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