the traditional holiday newsletter

At this time of the year, when we all count our blessings and gather 'round the hearth to celebrate the joy of Christmas, I would like to take the time to reach out to my friends and family and share those blessings with you.

It's been a year full of miracles and joy. Early in the new year we had a bit of a glitch when the husband unit was incarcerated after a minor incident at a downtown bank, but he was only doing what was best for the family in an effort to get a grip on the unpaid credit card bills we accumulated at this time last year. In the end it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as he made some excellent business contacts while on the inside, and it gave me the opportunity to meet his mistress of long standing as we, happily, ended up turning up at the same time on visiting day. Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback at first (I think he was planning to surprise me on my birthday), but then I discovered we have so much in common! (She gave me her awesome brownie recipe, and for those who are wondering, the antibiotics did the trick once we knew what we were dealing with. Isn't modern medicine a true miracle?) When she was deported after another soliciting charge I got to bond with the stepchildren I never knew I had. All five of them are living with us permanently now, though young Bruno has been put into a sort of camp: a home for special teenagers to help them better understand certain behaviours they exibit. Isn't it wonderful that such places exist to help us grow as human beings? I, too, got to spend some time exploring my own humanity during the summer. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. At first there was a little concern as they adjusted my meds, but once we found the best cocktail I stopped pulling my hair out in clumps and the evil emperor who lived in my closet finally moved out, leaving behind the benevolent faeries who accompany me still on this wondrous journey called Life.

The boys are growing like bad weeds and are a constant source of joy and pride for their father and myself. Number one son is the most popular boy in Grade 8, his cell phone ringing constantly with invitations. He apparently has a part-time job, though he won't say where, the little dickens, but he buys us many new household appliances and even a giant-screen TV with his paycheques. I'm so proud of his generous spirit. We must have done something right! The girls think he's pretty cute and after one minor incident with a disgruntled father and a shotgun in September (It was dark and I believe he thought #1 son was one of those coyotes that come up from the ravines), life continues to run as smoothly as ever for him. Number two son continues to entertain us with his wicked sense of fun, and apparently is known throughout his school for his excellent sense of humour. There must have been some trouble between the teachers at the school, though, as so far three of them have taken stress leave not long after taking over #2 son's class. We send them our warmest wishes for speedy recoveries. The principal is a warm woman who adores children, and has taken #2 son under her wing. In fact he spends most days in a small room adjoining her office, getting special tutoring as he has shown a streak of giftedness. Who knew?

So that's the family news for 2005. I think you'll join me in saying we've had a stellar year and couldn't be prouder. Here's wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and all the best in 2006.