Wednesday, October 18, 2006

bedside manner

I met Dr House yesterday. He was in the body of an older Irish musculoskeletal specialist who I was visiting, on referral of my GP armed with x-ray and ultrasound results, about my recent run-in (pun alert!) with plantar fasciitis.

Dr House: I'm Dr House. So, why are you here?
me: I have plantar fasciitis.
Dr House: And how did you get it?
me: Running.
Dr House: No you didn't. Running may have caused the problem to surface but it wasn't the cause.
me: Oh.
Dr House: It's those damned flip flips all you young people wear I bet.
me: Wow -- you're right. I've been wearing flip flops all day every day for five months, and then after I injured myself I wore them to cushion my heel. [You said 'young people.' Oh, doctor, can I buy you a drink?]
Dr House: How much were you running?
me: About three times a week.
Dr House: Pfft! That's not very much.
me: I know, but I was being a good girl and exercising in moderation due to my chronic piriformis syndrome.
Dr House: You don't have piriformis syndrome.
me: I don't?
Dr House: Piriformis syndrome is an actual structural abnormailty where the sciatic nerve goes through the muscle, not around it. About 2% of so-called 'pirirformis syndrome' sufferers actually have it. Your problem is that you don't stretch properly.
me: I'm pretty good about stretching.
Dr House: No, you're not. None of you young people stretch properly.
me: [Oh baby. You said the magic words again. Would you like to see my etchings?]
Dr House: I have some good stretches for you.
me: Can I write this down?
Dr House: No.

He proceeded to show me some exercises for my non-piriformis-syndrome and explain treatment for the plantar fasciitis, then he dispatched me with instructions to purchase a $140 night splint at Sport Med, an orthotics place. My poor husband. First he has to put up with my restless thrashing, then the cat decides she wants in on the warm bed at night and now he has to put up with this:

The good news is that after a lousy night's sleep with this thing on, my foot feels a hundred times better. Bedside manner is overrated anyway. Just ask those who adore Dr Laura.

PS (a) For those of you who have discovered and are therefore instantly addicted to Arnott's chocolate biscuits from Australia check this out. Apparently orgasmic doesn't begin to describe it. (b) I got the graphic at the top from here. (c) Picasso is woken from his Dream by an elbow to the ribs.


Blogger Barbara said...

I laughed aloud reading today's entry.

Thanks Andrea.

18/10/06 1:18 p.m.  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Ouch! I was going to start running again this weekend but on second thoughts...

18/10/06 1:38 p.m.  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

That was hilarious!! But, was he as attractive as Dr House has become? He never used to be, in my opinion.

18/10/06 4:26 p.m.  
Blogger Angela Rockett said...

I adore your doctor, simply because he actually tells you what's actually wrong and what to do about it. (And his manner sounds bracingly abrupt.) I usually get the doctor who says "well, it could be this, it could be that - can't really do anything about it, take some ibuprofen (like I wasn't already doing that!) and don't call me in the morning. All that for a couple hundred bucks!

I've had a mystery pain in my ankle for nearly two months now. The very nice doctor I went to when it started said it was probably a sprained ligament and he did recommend a brace which helped a lot with the walking thing, and it is finally starting to get better.

The long way around of saying I got a chuckle out of your post and hope you're feeling better soon.

18/10/06 4:45 p.m.  
Blogger tlc illustration said...

Good luck with the plantar pain. I had that some years back - no fun!

Loved the chocolate biscuit link. Gotta try some of those! (btw- the dark chocolate biscuits you sent are pretty good themselves!)

18/10/06 10:37 p.m.  
Blogger Jana Bouc said...

What a funny post and so handy--one of my coworkers was limping into the kitchen yesterday from what seemed to be the same injury. What her doctor told her was worse than useless so I'm going to send her to Doctor Andrea's blog to learn all about it--she's a flip flop wearer as well as a runner too. Sorry to hear you're having pain, but hope you recover quickly--but then you young people do!

18/10/06 11:35 p.m.  
Anonymous kyknoord said...

I can just picture you stretching and etching in that very fetching ensemble. Is there a high-heel version?

19/10/06 12:32 a.m.  
Anonymous swampgrrl said...

nice! sounds like a healing hottie.
thanks for you kind words on my blog.

ps...i can't get "electric aunt jemima" out of my head this morning...ARGGGHHH. i hope you know what i'm talking about.

19/10/06 6:13 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't Dr. House Fabulous ! He is so smart, I can't stand it ! :)

19/10/06 6:18 a.m.  
Blogger Joyce said...

Oh Andrea-- LOVE IT!
I guess he failed the whole "bedside manners" course, but did quite well on the "What women wanna hear" lecture?

Anyway, that stilletto is sexy, daring, and a for sure trend setter.

thanks for the giggle.

19/10/06 6:46 a.m.  
Blogger Sally said...

He does sound just like the real Dr. House!

I hope you're feeling better soon, doesn't sound too pleasant.

19/10/06 8:34 a.m.  
Blogger Caroline said...

Today on my ZB course we did various things for feet - I wish you were near enough to be a guinnea pig for me practice on!

20/10/06 10:55 a.m.  
Blogger Bibi said...

That's funny ... but not when you're on the receiving end, or in pain! I actually walked out on Dr. last week ... they must all be fans of Hugh Laurie's character!

22/10/06 6:19 p.m.  
Blogger Toni said...

Hmmm sounds like you are having your ups and downs hey Andrea.
Hope you start feeling better soon.

22/10/06 8:15 p.m.  

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