summertime blues

sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do

but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Home again home again. I'm totally out of practice at this blog thing, and haven't even made a dent in trying to catch up on what's been going on out there, so it may take awhile to do the rounds. Meantime, I've been uploading/editing/playing with my photos and doing laundry! It's not like I'm missing playing outside, though; after years of mostly mild winters and warm, dry summers here, the weather gods have chosen the past year to even the score. Though we had a pretty good time anyway, those aforementioned gods annoyed us with rain, cold and unseasonable mosquitoes up at Lillooet Lake and made it impossible for us to access swimming while on Salt Spring Island. It's a bit like my mood. Sometimes I struggle with depression which manifests itself in carefully-camouflaged (except to a few) antisocial and obsessive behaviours. Most of the time it's under control but 2007 has been a bad one. When I lose the ability to see the funny side of everything and have an overwhelming urge to stick my head in the sand I know I'm in trouble again. After failing to get anything out of another aborted attempt at counselling and trying to avoid the SSRI route I got a kick in the pants when I came across the following words (most of which I could've written) yesterday in Po Bronson's What Should I Do With My Life:

I've learned that without structure I become unstable and self-destructive fairly quickly. I have an ability to reimagine the world. I used to glorify this ability to pretend -- it's the essential gift behind writing fiction, and it's a great coping mechanism for dealing with rejection. But I'm not proud of it anymore. Sometimes, when things get tough, I run away -- run away into my imagination, run toward a new life, like so many empty pages, ready to be filled ... My struggle now is to stay grounded and not indulge my imagination. To stick with this life.

Amen. I once had the art of running away perfected, both in my head and in my life, but having kids changed all that. Since then I have learned that the best way to not give power to the demons of my childhood, failed relationships and poor career/life choices comes in a neat little package that consists of working every day (which I quit doing in mid June), getting a regular injection of endorphins through cardio exercise (I haven't run in a year since I injured my foot last summer and then had a two-month long battle with a respiratory infection this summer) and adhering to a flexible but consistent daily routine (which is impossible in summer with the kids at home). No wonder I've been struggling so much lately. Time to get back to my morning runs and daily painting. Unlike the stereotype of most parents, I don't look forward to the kids going back to school, but I know I really need it this year. Two weeks to go.

But enough navel gazing and back to this summer's crop of vacation photos. I'm posting a few here, but for more go here and here. Choose the 'view as slide show' option in the upper right-hand corner if you don't want to look at them individually.