Tuesday, February 14, 2006

happy valentine's day

Enough art lessons; today it's lessons in lurve. I feel honoured to be in a position to help you make this the best Valentine's Day ever, so take out your notebook and stubby pencil (you know, the ones in your breast pocket, ever-so-carefully shielded behind your Spiderman pocket protector) and listen up.

You need to start by presenting your sweetheart with a sentimental gift that shows the depth of your devotion. But the object of your affection deserves more than just chocolate; any plugged-in woo-meister of the 21st century knows all about the importance of bling. This is the buttering up phase, so to speak. But no indulging just yet. There are more hearts and flowers to come.

This is the 'impress him/her with your fabulous wealth' part of the strategy. Believe me, it's better panty (or edible boxer short) remover than champagne and oysters (or so they say). Time to invite your love muffin into your personal home theatre. Blowing the thing up will get your honey in such a lather, especially after all the build-up ... but you're not ready yet! To get the mood just right you must now apply carefully-chosen sad but uplifting movie (Valentine cupcakes built right into the plot). Okay, Romeo/Juliet, you're ready to move in for the kill now. Enjoy! But if he/she suddenly has a splitting migraine (I know ~ it's happened to me, too, unbelievably enough) then there's always plan B. Happy Valentine's Day ... and good luck!




19 Comments:

Blogger Brian the Mennonite said...

Hey, I see my name in that card. Oh, and there it is again...
Thanks Andrea for the interesting gadgets once again. Happy Valentines to you as well.
I'm looking forward to opening my teacher valentines box after lunch recess. It's just bursting with hand made cards and store bought chocolate. You sure get a lot of LOVE when you're an elementary school teacher.

14/2/06 10:41 AM  
Blogger ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Happy Valentines to you, Andrea.
Thanks for the advice. A schmuck like me needs all the help he can get. Whether it gets me anywhere at all, remains to be seen.
Oops... my pencil just broke. Guess I'm on my own on this one.

14/2/06 11:41 AM  
Blogger monkey 0 said...

just to follow up on your comment on my blog, because it is apropos to this post,
"All the Real Girls" would be a terrible valentine's day date movie! you may as well watch "Old Yeller" or "Hotel Rwanda."

You want a feel-good movie, like "Starship Troopers."

or, no, wait, she gets eaten by that giant insect, doesn't she?

well, anyway, NOT "all the real girls," that's all I'm saying.

14/2/06 12:34 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Brian: I miss those days when I actually used to get valentines! :) Ask Joyce about those gadgets *first* then thank me...

Chitty: You? Need help? "Charming arsehosles" never need help. :) (I wish I had one of those.)

Monkey O: It's all in your perspective. Maybe I want to rip my heart out of my chest on Valentine's Day!

14/2/06 12:43 PM  
Blogger monkey 0 said...

well, maybe Starship Troopers is just right for you after all... you know, they finally get to be together, Rico and Diz, and then she gets eaten, and whatsername with the gigantic lips has her boyfriend's brains sucked out, and then she and Rico are back together but they don't love each other any more...

that movie's just exactly the same as Wong Kar Wai's latest series of films, you know? what was that line from 2046... "Love is all a matter of timing. It's no good meeting the right person too soon or too late."

14/2/06 12:46 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Monkey O: That synopsis brings a tear to the eye. You're my kind of man. Do you have a date for Valentine's Day by any chance? As for the line from 2046, it's a wise one.

14/2/06 1:17 PM  
Anonymous Artnut said...

I've never been a thong person, but I'm not sure about a Belgian Chocolate one. I mean, how would you wash it?

14/2/06 1:53 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Artnut: Get your Dutch honey to do it?

14/2/06 1:54 PM  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Clever, beautiful, touching card....clever andrea!

Happy Valentine's day to you.

Seeing the south park character, have you been to that website where you design your own SP character?

14/2/06 2:25 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

Just popping in to say happy valentines day!!!
neat card.

14/2/06 4:09 PM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

fun, funny and neato card!Happy Valentines Day Andrea!

14/2/06 5:16 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Nomad: South Park Rudy was generated using that very same programme. Rudy is my 'supplier'. Sometime the quirky links he sends sit in my inbox for a couple of weeks, just waiting for the moment when I can create a coherent post with the bits and pieces.

Toni and Val: HVD to you, too.

14/2/06 5:29 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Loved that video!

14/2/06 8:30 PM  
Blogger Nan said...

Great post and card...loved seeing my name! Happy Valentine's Day to you, Andrea!

14/2/06 10:09 PM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Sentimental gift are so important, aren't they? I really loved the card, too :)

14/2/06 10:59 PM  
Blogger megg said...

Hi there!

LOVEd this post! It's so true! I'll have to show this to my dearest for next Valentines day! Hope you had a wonderful one!

15/2/06 3:02 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

I didn't get to your posting in time to take this advice so we had to make do with watching the Princess Bride...

Oh well... just another 364 days to go...

15/2/06 11:03 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Jim on seeing the chocolate hearts said - a bikini... but you'd need two of the ones with holes...

16/2/06 2:50 AM  
Blogger The Unknown said...

Ahhh... yes. My Valentines day started with a toilet in the basement overflowing at 2:30am and my girlfriend starting her period. :-)
love

19/2/06 4:42 PM  

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